Eniya Puthandu Valthukkal !!

EFT Wish you all a Happy New year!! Suba Aluth Awuruddak!! Eniya Puthandu valthukkal!!

Taming of the Shrew

By EFT correspondent reporting from New Buhari


EFT earlier reported that the injured Angelo Matthews was replaced by the attacking Colts and Wayamba all rounder. Thissara is known to be the best all rounder in the Island and his first class batting and bowling averages easily surpass Matthews and Maharoof. The public wonders why Thissara has not been picked for the senior squad before, here is EFT’s lowdown:

Although 20 years old, Thissara is already married. His wife is of the traditional Sri Lankan mould, nagging and demanding so much so that she wants to tour wherever he goes (no fault of the poor young girl, its just the way we bring up girls in this country). Poor old (young) Thissara dedicates most of his time to entertain every whim and fancy of his wife which has led to routine skirmishes with the tour management. Thissara has in the past made unreasonable demands regarding his wife’s travel and lodging arrangements from tour management. Tour organisers are already having nightmares given that he is due to join the side in India with his wife in tow. On previous tours his wife has been a pain to all concerned and has made poor old (young) Thissara run around in circles to meet her demands. Thissara has lost many opportunities to tour due to his incorrigible wife. EFT’s advice to Thissara, “Please rein in your wife!” EFT’s other advice to unmarried young players wanting to break into the side is, “for God’s sake don’t get married! And if you do, lay the ground rules from day one!”

Meanwhile a certain Media Manager of a certain South Asian Cricket Board is a known crook. This certain individual has fleeced money out of poor domestic servants in a certain Gulf country promising non existent tickets and subsequently fled this certain Gulf country leaving the poor housemaids stranded and without their hard earned cash saved through immense hardships to return to the certain South Asian country to see their loved ones. EFT implores this certain South Asian Cricket Board to conduct internal investigations about this certain individual’s past affairs. EFT likes to advise the Chairman of the Board not to go the way of Life of Brian and may Saint Thomas impart all his blessings on the corrupt individual to redeem himself. EFT would like to take this oppurtunity to wish all Sri Lankans in Bahrain heading home for Christmas Holidays on Air Lanka a safe and happy flight.

EFT

Suranga Lakmal flops in debut

By EFT correspondent reporting from Kanatta Road.

The much awaited debut of 22 year old fast bowler Suranga Lakmal ended in disaster. The Indian batsmen duly dispatched the lanky Colts and Wayamba fast bowler to all parts of the field, he was not able to bowl a good line and length or trouble the batsmen in any way. The selectors hailed Suranga as the next big thing, he has talent among them a good outswinger and the ability to reverse, so the selectors were right to pick him, however here is the inside scoop on his underperformance or rather non performance.

Suranga hails from a humble and simple family in Matara, not very well to do, he is now paid RS 150,000 as a player with a central contract, however, he has not learned how to control his sudden new found wealth and is squandering his money and time chasing after girls in Colombo nightspots. What players do in their personal time is none of the public’s business in so far as it doesn’t affect on field performance, however Suranga’s dusk to dawn exploits have led him to miss many training sessions and he has resorted to lying to get out of early morning training camps (being drunk), and has also been caught staging injuries to excuse himself from playing and training. He has also not taken advice from the team nutritionist to put on weight, this is no surprise given his increasing appetite for girls and decreasing appetite for food. The team coaches are finding it near impossible to get him to attend training camps.

If this goes on Suranga will go the way of Dilhara Fernando, an immensely talented player who fell by the wayside due to his nocturnal exploits, we hope he doesn’t.

Stay tuned for further updates.

EFT

Hero of 2nd ODI goes home

By EFT Sports Correspondent reporting from Borella.

Angelo Matthews has returned home due to a muscle tear, Thissara Perera has flown in to replace him.

EFT now bring you breaking cricket news.

The truth about Murali’s absence

By EFT Sports correspondent reporting from Malabe



It was announced by the Sri Lanka Cricket (SLC) that Murali has been ruled out of the ongoing limited overs series in India due to an injury, however EFT Sports correspondent can reveal that the real reason for Murali’s absence is that he wants to spend more time with his family in Chennai than play for the country. Murali voluntarily pulled out of the series citing personal reasons, however SLC keen to keep this news out of the media eye have duped the cricketing public into believing that Murali is out due to injury. Murali’s commitment to Sri Lankan cricket is and was never questionable, however it is an open secret that the “seniors” have fallen out with Sanga over his dubious captaincy style, rarely do the public get to see the seniors huddling together in the field and working out a strategy to defeat the opposition, which were commonplace before Sanga took over and brought his own Kandy Nilame style to the field. The bowlers are suffering too due his erratic bowling changes and some cricketing pundits are stunned on why he doesn’t employ slow bowlers more often.



Watch this space for further updates

EFT