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President Percy vacates Temple Trees

EFT correspondent reporting from Biyagama.

It is reliably learnt that President Mahindra Percy has tactically withdrawn from Temple Trees due to a DPU mission led by Brigadier Siripala.

Stay tuned for further updates.

Royal Baby name suggestions

Red Bird Kuttu
One Ball Shyam
Vambatu Puli
Prof Navindran Economy is Falling Down
Sevala Selva Please light a candle of sacrifice
Mahen

Peace out ladies, peace.

Peace. Respeck! EFT

EFT starts English Classes for Singhala Modayas in Malabe

First lesson: Catta satta on the matta Dadi naris on the table Regards EFT Special Correspondent reporting from Malabe

Sri Lankans accused of ball tampering

Watch this video, it is clear evidence of ball tampering by the Sri Lankans! Shameless Sri Lankans!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyQzGB5ozME&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Happy Thai Pongal

Happy Thai Pongal everyone! May all your dreams and wishes come true!

Sri Lanka wins the cricket world cup.........(in 1996)

In response to one of our reader's Pukkata Lanka comments about whats wrong with Sri Lanka cricket, here's the answer: we still think it is 1996.

The video tells it all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJu8dMhE1ow&list=PL6C04BFDEC3D01CAB&index=2&feature=plcp

Courtesy of (ripped off from) John Bala.

Katandarayak

This is the scene tonight of a Sri Lanka father putting his son to bed.

Daddy (Sirisena): Son, that's enough video games, its time for bed.

Son (Parakrama): Dad, I can't sleep, can you tell me a fairytale?

Sirisena: Of course. Once upon a time there was a Sri Lankan cricket team that won a test match. The End.

Parakrama: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ministry of Education provides new guidelines on 'A' Level paper re-marking

Following the 'A' Level fiasco where students were given dubious marks and marks for subjects that they did not even sit for, the Ministry of Education has provided new guidelines on re-markings. The Ministry advises the students to mark the papers themselves and award grades they think they deserved. The self re-marked papers with the grades should be forwarded to the following address:

Ministry of Education
No. 421/B, You Have Been Had Mawatha
Nachchikuda Branch
Kilinochchi District

University places will be allocated to those who excel at the re-markings, the more far off the candidate is from the actual mark they deserved, the more likely they are for a University place.

France POOFs formally apologise to Sri Lanka by publishing anti LTTE stamp

The Postal Organisation Of France, Seine (Poofs) has released a new stamp to commemorate liberty, equality and fraternity in Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka is now a bastion of democracy, good governance, equal rights and freedom. The Poofs echoing France's own values born out of the storming of the Bastille has released this stamp as a gesture of goodwill to counter the Eelam diaspora's recent publication of LTTE stamps. The White Van is symbolic of Sri Lanka's new found freedoms after the defeat of the LTTE. Patriotic Sri Lankan citizens can now enjoy luxurious, complimentary white van rides ride courtesy of the authorities to any destination they have no desire to visit. So enjoyable are these rides that most passengers never make it back. Demand is so high that the authorities operate a first come, first served policy, if you are the first to voice opinions uncritical of the authorities, you get served first.

Vive La Poofs!

We are back!

Hello boys, girls and those in between. Long time no post!

Sorry we have been away, but after the Supreme Leader bid us adieu on the 16th of May 2009 (no, it wasn't the 18th), we had nothing much to write about and update you. However, we have to reactivate ourselves for the benefit of our nation. Here's why:

The LTTE is at it again, no not in Sri Lanka, but in every other country under the sun. What started as feeble attempt at retaliation (e.g. their imaginary Transnational Government) has become much more sinister. They have organised themselves after their military defeat. The fund collections from the diaspora never stopped. As the money can no longer go for weapons and their war effort, it has been channelled to the biggest bastards of them all - lawyers. Ever heard of ambulance chasers and "no win, no fee" lawyers. This kind is worse, "human right lawyers". They have been lobbying the UN (most recently at the UN human rights session in Geneva), foreign governments and even private enterprises to impose sanctions on Sri Lanka / boycott our produce.

Our government's reply has been even more feeble, flaccid at best. We almost got a bollocking at the UN human rights council session recently concluded, but due to sheer luck and good timing we escaped any concrete sanctions, warnings and rebukes. This can't happen for long, so therefore we ask our readers mainly based in the western countries to do your best, organise yourselves and lobby back at those who don't want to see our Island enjoy peace.

Watch this space over the course of the next few weeks. Our next article will focus on the foreign power that is marshalling the LTTE diaspora.

EFT

Breaking news: EU and Sri Lanka to restart discussions on GSP+

Highly placed sources have informed EFT that the EU and Sri Lanka are to restart discussions on Sri Lanka regaining GSP+. This is due to the recession in the EU, the loss of GSP+ has affected EU retailers' profit margins as garments are more expensive to import. The likes of Marks and Spencer (M&S) are pushing the EU hard to award GSP+ once again to Sri Lanka.

EFT

Breaking news: Bust up in SLDF blog

EFT web intelligence officer reports that a blog run by a certain group of like minded individuals has ceased to exist due to internecine warfare. The said individuals are no longer like minded. We encourage all users of that blog to come and comment freely here. Freedom of expression is afforded protection in EFT and we do not censor comments.

EFT

BBC Sinhala Service under attack by former allies

Could it be funds running dry in the former LTTE coffers or the fact that the UK Foreign Office (which funds the BBC Sinhala Service) is threatening to cut down its funding affecting the said service, that less and less biased/anti Sri Lanka and more and more balanced articles are beginning to appear in the BBC Sinhala website?

Examples: Article 1 - Article 2 - Article 3

In the bad old days when the LTTE treasury was overflowing with ill-gotten dollars/pounds, we never saw Tamilnut accusing the BBC of being “mischievous” in its reporting or “exaggerated” in its sayings nor “vicious” in its projection of views. Was it because, in those days we never saw the BBC calling a spade a “spade” or following fundamental principles of good journalism when reporting Sri Lankan affairs.

But now the LTTE gravy fountains are drying up and the credit-crunch-hit UK government is cutting its public spending like there’s no tomorrow, individuals at the BBC Sinhala Service may have realised it prudent to be professional in their journalism in order to try and protect their jobs – for no doubt they must be a talented team of journalists if they put their minds to it and stop getting lured in to mischief when certain temptations are present.

From one journo to another, EFT wish them well. Keep improving. . . .

Another article about BBC World Service funding cuts

LTTE handover control of Vanni to LMTE - Liberation Monkeys of Tamil Eelaam

We thought the war was over - but Monkey Problems still persist in Vanni

Darwin's theory of evolution is finally proven. . . . . in Vanni!

EFT have been reliably informed that surviving LTTE members in Vanni have evolved to a much higher life form, thanks to GOSL creating an environment conducive to macro evolution, since May 2009. They have moved several steps towards civilisation, demonstrated undisputedly by their nobler behaviour. Experts who have been observing these higher life forms have reported that instead of abducting innocent children from poor civilians at gun-point (to use as cannon fodder for a lost cause) they now only pinch "vegetables" and "meagre belongings" while the people are not looking. It is therefore conclusive that these higher forms of monkeys are vegetarians in contrast to their cannibal ancestors who were (almost) totally annihilated by SLDF in May 2009.

There is little doubt that the "resettled" people of Vanni are relieved because this new "Monkey Problem" is far better than the horrific monkey problems they continually experienced before May 2009.

EFT kindly advise Tamilnut website to encourage the die-ass-pora Tamil community from Tooting to Toronto to divert their funds for sufficient supplies of quality peanuts to keep these monkeys evolving until they reach the same level of evolution as an average monkey. May we suggest the compensation money paid to our esteemed McHunger striker be invested in this venture?

For those of you who are sceptical of this news, please see below for completely independent confirmation.

http://www.tamilnet.com/art.html?catid=13&artid=32363

EFT

EFT team meet to honour the fallen

The EFT team met yesterday (19/06) to observe the first anniversary of the end of victorious push to eradicate the LTTE terrorist scum from the northern regions of Sri Lanka.

A bbq was held to honour the fallen SLDF heroes and in a show of unity the Lion Lager beer was held alongside the Jaffna Hot Mixture to express our solidarity with the Tamil brethren. And in a message to the dieasspora an upturned sausage is seen pointed upwards. All that was missing from the BBQ was black pork garnished with Nanthikandaal lagoon shrimp paste.
EFT team members had a grand time.

EFT

No looking back

Dear readers,

Today marks the first anniversary of the end of the LTTE terror campaign that has gripped our beloved motherland for over 3 decades. The physical and emotional scars to our nation needs no mention, people from all communities be it Tamil, Singhala, Muslim, Burgher etc. have suffered at the hands of a misguided buffoon and his clan hailing from the smuggler community in VVT. This ass clown met his Waterloo on the banks of the Nanthikadal exactly one year and two days ago, his annihilation was announced on May the 18th. This same nitwit's mother is now lovingly cared for by the GoSL whilst his "brethren" in Tamil Nadu refused entry to this ailing old woman. GoSL is taking care of her not as the mother of a bandit, but as the wife of a recently deceased Government Civil Servant. Had his parents known of the existence of "Preethi", all this suffering may not have happened. But let us not blame them, let's blame Preethi brand's poor marketing in VVT. We digress, we wanted to put in a good word for Preethi. Back to the subject at hand, here's how EFT would like our readers to ponder on the future development:

1) Tamil Diaspora Investment in the North East.

EFT reported that the diaspora are tired of the overseas LTTE network's attempt to form a fantasy TGTE, they have re-soundly rejected the TGTE and have turned towards developing the Tamil majority areas. A myriad of new Tamil businesses have sprung up along the A9, Jaffna town, Trinco, Batti etc. Tourism has grown exponentially, they are truly reaping the rewards sown by our soldiers who made immense sacrifices in eliminating terror. EFT is heartened to see Tamil investment returning to areas long neglected, funds which used to go fund AK-47s are now going towards funding hopper and kottu shops and pharmacies that sell Preethi, parents of future terror leaders take note.

2)Government policies

Whilst EFT does not entirely agree with all of the Government's recent policies, we request our readers to bear with the government as we truly believe they are keen on the country's development. For example, the appointment of the Defence Secretary to head the UDA is a stroke of genius.

3) Investment continues to flood in

Peace time brings in investment, we won't dwell on these, but you can see for yourself the number of tourism and corporate deals being signed on a daily basis, the pace is rapid that the BOI has set upon an ambitious expansion plan to cope with investor demand. Sri Lanka has been rated as the number one tourist destination for 2010 by the New York Times, need we say more.

EFT would like to thank all our readers for their loyalty and continued interest in this site. We also thank our valuable sources who continue to give us useful snippets of info, although admittedly these are not as frequent as before. We have been a bit bored in the past year and some of us have retired due to the lack of defence news, we say that its a good thing. We are glad to report that EFT's chief editor is heading your way.

We will keep you posted and we would like to remind you that modayas will always be modayas.

EFT

LTTE overseas network crumbling

The overseas LTTE empire is falling apart before our very eyes. The ill conceived and hastily arranged TGTE is the primary cause of the downfall. This coupled with GoSL intelligence operatives infiltrating diaspora circles and sowing discord among them has dealt a deathly blow to the overseas LTTE network. LTTE candidates contesting in the TGTE have resorted to caste and sectarian politics and many candidates have withdrawn their nominations and some have had their wins mysteriously annulled. The LTTE diaspora is confused on who exactly has won or not won, their confidence in the nascent TGTE has diminished. The functioning of the TGTE even before it has officially inaugurated provides insight into how a Tamil Eelam Government would have worked had the UNP and Norway succeeded in giving it to them, sectarian, caste based politics and infighting would have been rife.

We will keep you posted.

EFT

LTTE remnants in three way split

Reports reaching us indicate that the remnants of the LTTE now active in the diaspora have split into three groups.

Following the defeat of the LTTE on May 18, the LTTE split into two, namely the KP group and the Castro group. The KP group has gone underground following the defection of their leader to the GoSL side. This group is still carrying out covert activities to encourage the diaspora to reconcile with mainstream Sri Lankan society and join in the reconciliation efforts of the GoSL. Recent New Year activities in London (especially in former LTTE areas of East London) indicate that they have been successful to some extent as a large number of diaspora Tamils joined their Singhala brethren in New Year festivities.

Meanwhile the LTTE hardliners namely the Castro group headed by LTTE Overseas Intelligence Chief Arivazhakan who were busy organising the fantasy Transnational Government of Tamil Eelam (TGTE) have split into two factions due to internal infighting over the composition of the imaginary TGTE. One group is led by Arivazhakan himself (a Castro loyalist) and the other by a US based lawyer who was involved in the UNP peace process.

More and more splits are expected as the GoSL intelligence operatives have somewhat been successful in infiltrating diaspora circles and sowing discord among them.

EFT